Hex Education: Ghanian Whitch Doctor Marks Kane

England and Ghana's draw raised a few eyebrows. Was it the blunt and toothless display from the Three Lions? Partly. Was it Konsa's reckless challenge that somehow wasn’t a penalty? Probably. Could it have been the emergence of juju as a viable footballing tactic? Sorry?

For those that weren't aware, Harry Kane played the game with a bad omen hanging over him – namely, a hex from Ghanaian witch doctor Nana Kwaku Bonsam. And it only went and bloody worked, as, with the goal at his mercy in the 85th minute, Kane inexplicably fired over the net. Some naysayers might point to other instances of the England captain missing big opportunities, with boring words like "pressure" being bandied about. Frankly, it's clear Mr Bonsam knows his stuff.

The use of witchdoctors or spiritual healers is not unheard of in African football – in fact, the Confederation of African Football (CAF) banned them from AFCON 2002. While the fact that the legislation was needed at all borders on satire, the move did rustle some feathers, with traditional practitioners opposed to CAF's desire "to avoid presenting a third-world image" at the competition. Whether or not any witchdoctors have since been fired by the board after a poor run of form, sadly, is not known.

In 2018, Pep Guardiola had a spectacular falling-out with club icon Yaya Touré, whose relationship with the club had perhaps never recovered after he believed he did not receive appropriate congratulations on his 31st birthday in 2014. Anyway. Fast forward to 2018 and Touré, along with his agent Dimitri Seluk — a man who never knowingly undersold a grievance — accused Pep of unfairly sidelining the Ivorian midfielder. 

Seluk duly called upon African witchdoctors to ensure City did not win the Champions League. Amazingly, it led to six years of European capitulation, with the curse being lifted just three weeks before City secured their first Champions League trophy.

Closer to home, Glenn Hoddle infamously brought faith healer Eileen Drewery into the England camp during the 1998 FIFA World Cup. The British press (not exactly at their kindest during the 90s) roundly mocked the entire exercise. 

The most memorable instance was from Ray Parlour, who allegedly requested a short back and sides upon Drewery placing her hands on his head to channel energy. Parlour was dropped from the squad and England were eliminated in the round of 16 by Argentina. Bad luck all round.

So what have we learned? Well, despite being largely frowned upon as a legitimate member of the coaching staff, witchdoctors appear to be a highly effective method of influencing the game. Perhaps England should look to draw upon their own cultural heritage and hire a druid of their own. The Romans couldn't stop them, Mbappé doesn't stand a chance.