Premier League 26/27: Everything's Different, Nothing's Changed

The Premier League has returned.

For many, this predictable development will bring untold emotion – ecstasy, horror and a glimpse of second-hand glory with a pint in hand. Some, of course, having just got over the disruption of the World Cup, will roll their eyes as the circus continues. But we don't really need to worry about them.

So aside from the football itself, what can we expect? 

Fresh Faces

Teams

Like the new kids at school, the three promoted teams – Coventry, Hull and Ipswich – will be nervously looking around at the big boys and hoping not to end up with a wedgie. There's plenty to look forward to. Seeing Frank Lampard back in the dugout, of course, after Coventry stormed to victory and ended a 25-year wait for Premier League football; the return of the Tractor Boys (arguably the best nickname in football) after dropping down the season before; and Hull's play-off victory, forever marred by Southampton's expulsion and the deranged Spygate saga.

Plenty of points to flog for commentators during drab periods of play.

Managers

Even by Premier League standards, the shift of management is something to behold, with a record nine changes at the helm. These include Xabi Alonso's much-anticipated arrival at Chelsea, Iraola taking Slot's place, and Maresca filling Pep's big shoes. Three of the opening weekend's fixtures pit two brand-new bosses against each other – Fulham v Chelsea, Manchester City v Bournemouth, and Newcastle v Liverpool – hopefully someone tells them what to do.

Naturally, this will result in a fresh wave of inane pre-, mid- and post-match waffle, as highly paid tacticians attempt to distil complex sporting situations concisely while rueing a last-minute equaliser.

Players

There has also been the usual shuffling of players to liven things up for 26/27. Morgan Rogers' British transfer fee record (£117m) to Chelsea will have done the lion's share of the eyebrow-raising, especially considering Chelsea (who finished 10th) won't even be able to bully fringe teams in the Conference League. Elliot Anderson's comparatively eye-watering move to City (£116m) was controversially announced during the World Cup, and Newcastle solidified themselves as a feeder club (having already sold Tonali to Spurs) by letting Arsenal snatch the talismanic Guimarães for £75m.

New Rules

No more hair-pulling

Ever the prudish organisation, the Premier League is clamping down on hair-pulling on the pitch, indirectly asking players to take it behind closed doors. Pulling with "excessive force or brutality" will result in a straight red, with anything falling short of this categorisation receiving a yellow. Whether a quick checklist of the factors necessitating excessive force is being circulated remains unclear. What we can be sure of is at least one pundit conversation on the subject – cue Alan Shearer dropping "It's a 6/10 hair pull for me."

Time wasting

The bane of the losing team and godsend for those trailing, time-wasting is as much a part of the game as great goals, average beer and bad tackles. However, many believe this dark art has spiralled rapidly out of control, leading to a five-second time limit for throw-ins and goal kicks. Unlike other rules, this is fairly easy to manage, although some players will doubtlessly challenge the passing of time as if it's subjective.

Wrestling Ban

Had corner kicks continued down the road they were on, we'd be seeing metal chairs and flying elbows before long. Referees will supposedly take stronger action against defenders who take the game's physicality too far. Many levelled these accusations at Arsenal last year (although they were hardly alone), so it'll be interesting to see whether the hugfests continue.

No more gambling

Given the Premier League's empty insistence on protecting fans, betting companies as team sponsors is one of the most contradictory and shameful aspects of the competition. Thankfully, it's coming to an end – at least on the front of the shirt. From the start of this season, gambling brands will no longer dirty the most visible real estate on team jerseys, even if they'll likely still lurk on sleeves and perimeter boards. A small step, perhaps, but a sign there's hope for the moral integrity of football yet.

So what does it all mean?

Well, as always, we face a huge raft of changes, both on and off the pitch. But as always, we can expect pretty much the same level of tension, hyperbole, melodrama, and conversations about the merits of VAR.

Can’t wait.